Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
