just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
