That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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