All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can I color on your dick again?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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