Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
