the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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