positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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