Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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