You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
