I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
