Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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