I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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