oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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