Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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