When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
