I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
