Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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