i wish my penis had a tongue
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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