I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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