Your face is a jimmy john
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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