Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
