Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
