My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
