If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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