Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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