Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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