It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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