i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
