I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
