I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
