He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
