literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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