I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
