I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
