So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
