And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
