You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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