when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
