After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
