sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you win again, gameday.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
