I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
