you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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