fuck your aforementioned shoe
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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