You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
