Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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