you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
is it fun? or sober?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize