I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
