i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
