i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize