How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
