i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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