oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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