I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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