Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There are leaves in my underwear?
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