Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
