why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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