I hate your face
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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