Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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