i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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