You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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