After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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