i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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