hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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