my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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