Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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