Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
