dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
