his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize